"success" v dead, "waste of time", anxiety, creativity, de-escalate, de-stress, denial, depression, dignity, fear, ground-self, let-go, life-saving, not-your-fault, panic, projection, self-care, sleep, soul-murder, space, there-is-time, your-life
I got this from “Pocket Hits”. I get dailys from them and Seeds4Life.
When people are suicidal, I get really really pissed off when other people keep pressuring them “to keep going”, to “go to or stay in school”, or to “get over it”, “grow-up”, or see that “we are here for you.”
This is all true, it usually comes from love, care, and real concern for that suicidal person. It is meant to keep the person going, mitigate the fall-out of circumstances, often, actually not over-reacting, but plodding along despite a scary situation. It is meant for good reasons and I am sure it does sometimes work.
The thing is, for some suicidal people, like me, it has the opposite affect . When I am suffering with suicidal ideation I want people to BACK THE FUCK OFF. Don’t pressure me “to keep going”. Don’t stress me out about missing or leaving school. I WANT TO DIE!! OKAY? I’m not caring about a degree, I’m caring that I am in so much pain that I want it to stop. NOW!!
I can’t think about writing papers, logging in a hundred times a day to post to a ‘thread’, or do homework that doesn’t count toward my grade. I have to NOT think at all. I have to concentrate on calming my body down because it feels that destruction is eminent. I am going to explode spraying bits of myself all over my bed, not spread myself all over BlackBoard.
I can’t travel to my school, I can barely make it to my bathroom.
Just stop it!!! My mind is busy trying to kill me. I don’t need you encouraging it by cranking up my stress. I’m so stressed out that death is preferable to you, or school, or work, or anything. Death is my escape route from too much on me right now. BTFO!
In 2013 I dropped out of school. It is 2017 and my world did not end. I still have my job, healthcare, my child, an apartment, a car. Yes, I don’t have the income that graduating would have brought me, and that’s getting to be a problem. But I’m alive. I have 5 new core values, a solid budget, reduced debt, a gym membership, a church membership, new friends, and most importantly my sanity.
That year I took a 5 week leave of absence. I did nothing but sleep, watch DVDs, and go to the day hospital. It was the best 5 weeks of my life. It was the best thing I have ever done for myself. Five weeks of me, me, me, and me. Just me. Only me. All about me. Five. Weeks. Of me.
My brain had broken and was behaving badly. It was trying to kill me. Being lazy for five weeks in a row broke through the desire to commit suicide just enough to function again. And by function, I mean eat, shower a couple times a week, pet my pets, notice my studio’s kitchen was becoming a health hazard. I began to move about after five weeks. And by that I mean, I got out of bed.
In all, I did 11 weeks of ONLY MENTAL HEALTH. (I did work, but it was awful.) for the rest of the year my only focus was staying safe. A year. One entire year of just staying safe with myself. 12 months of behaviors laser focused on staying alive. Nothing else mattered. A clean apartment was nothing if I was dead. Paid bills would be good, but not if they caused me to over-dose. Other people were great, as long as I didn’t need them for my roof or any part of my future, I’ll maintain those myself, thank you. (This was necessary for me, I am in my forties, it was time. I don’t mean this for young people.)
For me, I stopped my life completely. I had to. I had to tear it down and re-create new ways of navigation that didn’t stir up suicidal ideation. It has taken me 5 years. To some, I have been lazy for five years. I would argue that Michael Lewis, of Moneyball, is onto something here. Not “would I be sad if something didn’t get done?” but rather, “would getting it done just get me dead?” Now, THAT would be sad.
I vote for being lazy and the success is being alive.
I absolutely love self-help books. I also love just plain smart books. I’ll read anything that I think can be applied to changing behavior.
Being Lazy Is the Key to Success, According to the Best-Selling Author of ‘Moneyball’
“‘People waste years trying not to waste hours,” says author Michael Lewis.
Co-author, The Geek Gap@MindaZetlin
Lewis was a keynote speaker at the 2017 Insight Summit put on by online survey company Qualtrics. In a candid interview with Qualtrics CEO Ryan Smith, Lewis explained why laziness never seemed like a bad thing in his mind, and how it’s helped him succeed.
“I grew up in New Orleans, where no one did anything,” he said. “It’s an endlessly charming and delightful place, but the idea that your worth was connected to things you did in the world was an alien idea.” In fact, Lewis recalled, his father had him convinced that there was a Lewis family crest with this motto: “Do as little as possible, and that unwillingly, because it is better to receive a slight reprimand than perform an arduous task.” That turned out to be untrue, but the idea that leisure was to be cherished and that being constantly busy was not necessarily a good thing stuck with the younger Lewis.
Embracing laziness has helped him be successful because he focuses his efforts only where it really matters, he explained. Here’s how that can create a real advantage:
You’re OK with doing nothing.
When was the last time you felt comfortable doing nothing?
Not for an hour
or a day,
but in general,
with no immediate projects at hand?
Lewis said he has no problem with inactivity if nothing worthwhile has captured his attention.
If he believed that being industrious was important, he said, “I’d be panicked at the question ‘What are you working on?’ if I wasn’t working on anything.”
Have you ever taken on a project just so you wouldn’t be inactive, just to keep things going?
How many better opportunities have you missed because that project made you too busy to pursue them?
Being willing to be inactive or less active means you’ll be available when something truly worthy of your best effort comes along. It also means you’ll have the time and space to go looking for those really worthwhile projects. If you’re busy being busy, you’ll miss them.
ME- to me, nothing is worth it if I’m dead. Aren’t I worth my own time, interest and effort? Even if that effort is almost nothing at all? Remaining breathing ain’t nothin.
You won’t waste time trying not to waste time.
That’s something most of us do, Lewis said. “People waste years of their lives not being willing to waste hours of their lives.”
Me- think about that… what is wrong with wasting some time? The way I see it, as a child I spent a lot of time staying safe. Not being victimized, kidnapped, or killed. I hid a lot. Times that I did explore, I got royally busted. Or another thing I see now is people who were overly scheduled, had helicopter parents, or other wise over scheduled.
By the time I was 18, I WAS FREAKING EXHAUSTED!!!!
Waste some time. Pleeeeeease waste some time. Catch up on sleep, childhood, exploration, learning about yourself.
“If you mistake busyness for importance–which we do a lot–you’re not able to see what really is important.”
Me- Nothing is more important than yourself. Nothing is more important than saving your own life.
Lewis is willing to waste time–a lot of it–if something seems like it could be really worthwhile. He’ll spend a year or more hanging around someone who interests him even before he knows for sure whether he’ll wind up with a book.
Have there been potentially great projects in your own life that you didn’t get to explore because you didn’t have the time to waste?
Maybe the next time something comes along that tugs at your heart, you should find a way to waste as much time as it takes to get the project off the ground or prove to yourself that it won’t work.
You’ll zero in on what’s truly game-changing.
“My laziness serves as a filter,” Lewis said.
ME- I love this!! For me, learning to filter demands on me has been life-saving.
“Something has to be really good before I’ll decide to work on it.” Lewis has published six heavily researched books in the past 10 years while also working as a contributing editor at Vanity Fair, so his laziness certainly hasn’t stopped him from producing quite a lot of work.
Me- it will get done, I will get things done. I only won’t get them done if I’m dead.
But it has helped ensure that what he does is his very best work–only the things that really call to him. Here’s the test: “If a story I’ve gotten to know didn’t get told, would I be sad?” he asked. Unless the answer is an absolute yes, Lewis doesn’t take on the project.
Me- if it doesn’t keep a roof over my head, relax me, make something easier for me, re-fill my soul, make me happy, help me bring mental health into the light, or bring authentic relationships my way–I don’t do it. Period. I want to thrive, not just survive.
The answer is a loud “NO” if that thing is another thing I have to survive. This includes a job, an educational track, an activity, or a relationship. Don’t ask me to survive something.
When was the last time you asked yourself if you would be sad if some work didn’t get done, or if a possible project didn’t happen? Next time an opportunity arises, ask yourself that question before you say yes.
Me- I would take Lewis a step further, ask yourself if it’s worth your life.