I’ve done it. I am back on WordPress to tell who ever cares, that I have mostly beaten my depression. It’s not that it isn’t there at all, ever, or a danger lurking for an opportunistic moment; it just doesn’t reek havoc on my life anymore. I’m sure future posts will discuss depression, but anxiety is now the issue.
My definition of anxiety for myself is like subtraction. It is the difference between what I want to do, what I need to do, what I truly ought to do, and the spiritual, emotional, and physical energy needed to do it. It is this difference that is anxiety for me. I have a lot I want to accomplish now that I have a will to live and the comfort that there is not indeed a Saber-toothed tiger outside my door that’s gonna get me if I step outside. So life is about anxiety management right now.
I have a backlog of months of writings all over the place. They are hand-written on anything that will hold graphite and ink, in digital format that I can’t easily pull from, or on my computer but not well organized. I continue to struggle with IT at home. I share this because I am getting so busy now that I am fully engaged in life again; that I will need to post from this backlog. Additionally, my backlog is my journey and should be posted as that is why I have this blog in the first place.
All of that is to say that I have been very busy actually living my life, rather than spending all my time understanding how it has become as it is. I have enough recovery, rest, CBT skills, changed behaviors, emotional sobriety, safety, sustainability, and balance to “take it on the road”, and I am.